We are Joe and Valerie Rinehart. We met in 2016 and were married in 2018. Joe was born in Pennsylvania, raised in Spokane Washington, and currently works as a CDL instructor. Valerie was born and raised in Clarkston Washington and is a stay-at-home mom. In 2019 we found out we were pregnant and welcomed our first child in March of 2020. A beautiful baby boy we named Owen. We gave birth to our first child right as the world shut down; at the height of a major pandemic. It was lonely but praise God we have made it through to the other side. In 2021 we became pregnant again and we were due to have our second child in April of 2022. Another baby boy! As much as we wanted a girl, we were excited for our first son to have a little brother. I had a few complications in both pregnancies, but everything was under control and well managed by my health care team. My labor was induced with my first pregnancy and I was set to be induced yet again with the second baby. At the last OB appointment we scheduled the induction and I had a non-stress test that would monitor the baby’s movements and heartbeat. Baby wasn’t moving as much as the nurses had hoped, but moved some and still had a strong heartbeat. But the midwife wanted one more non-stress test just to check on the baby one more time before induction. We went into the hospital this time for the test and baby boy looked even better than a few days before. He was super active and passed with flying colors. We would be induced two days later. We went home and finished packing our bags. We spent some quality time with our first son, cherishing the last couple days as a family of three.
The next day we went to church. I felt sluggish, but then again I was 37 weeks pregnant. I laid down with my son before we had to leave to relax for a few minutes and felt the baby wiggle around in my belly. Then we got our family ready and out the door. I sat through the Sunday school hour, a time where I would normally feel baby kicking and I would play around with him and push back, then he would kick me again, and repeat. But this day I felt nothing. I told myself that he was sleeping. We went upstairs to prepare for our worship service. Joe noticed that my belly had dropped, meaning the baby was descending and preparing for birth. The worry started creeping into my mind. Baby wasn’t moving. The advice pregnant women are given is that you should feel your baby kick at least ten times in a two hour period. By this time it had been nearly two hours since I had felt any movement. I tried to get the baby moving by drinking cold water and by eating a snack. I poked at my belly in a panic, praying that my baby would move by me moving him. Nothing. We finally made the decision to leave church. We told my mom we were leaving to get checked at the hospital and to please take Owen home. We drove to the hospital in absolute dread, praying that it was all in my head. The nurses graciously took us in. We actually got placed with the same nurse who had helped with our non-stress test the day before. Nurses tried to find a heartbeat for over half an hour. But in the moment I didn’t know how much time had truly passed. No heartbeat would be found. The midwife came to us in tears as she tried to find the heartbeat as well. She brought in an ultrasound tech to make the final confirmation. The ultrasound confirmed our worst fears. Our baby was dead. He no longer had a heartbeat. The world went a little fuzzy. Time seemed to stand still. In the hours that followed I felt a huge range of emotions. We felt angry, devastated, small moments of happiness and then immediate guilt. I was scared to give birth, I was scared for our marriage, and scared that people would look at my differently because my baby had died.
Our pastor, who is also my uncle, came and prayed with us at the hospital and reminded us that our sweet boy was now safe in heaven with Jesus. That truth really struck me. While his body was still in my body, his spirit was now with the Lord. I was induced, just like I was always going to be, but one day earlier than what we had scheduled. As my body labored Joe and I had some deep conversations. I apologized repeatedly, feeling that I had somehow caused this to happen – a feeling that I still struggle with to this day. But Joe would remind me, every single time, that I had nothing to apologize for and that this was not my fault. I got my epidural, finally got some rest, and woke up ready to push. Trying to push Owen out lasted three hours. Pushing this time only took ten minutes. Our beautiful boy, Andrew Sloan Rinehart, was born on April 11th, at 4:09am, 7lbs, 4oz., with his umbilical cord wrapped around his arm, his torso, and his neck. It was clear that his death was caused by the umbilical cord strangulation.
We took turns holding our sweet boy for the next four hours. We were crying, hugging, telling Andrew all about us, our life, his brother, our family, and all the things we had dreamed for him. We could not stop telling him how much we loved him. But eventually we knew that it was time to let him go. We said our final goodbyes and handed him off to our nurse. When he left we felt empty, or like a piece of us was missing. We were cleared to leave the hospital a few hours later, but not before a visit from our two year old, Owen. I felt so grateful to have Owen in our lives, but so upset that Andrew couldn’t come home with the rest of us. The next few days were a blur as we figured out how to make funeral plans, buy a headstone, and somehow take care of our two year old, all while healing from giving birth. We tediously planned all the details, and on April 15th, Joe’s birthday of all things, we had a beautiful memorial service for our stillborn baby.
Our friends and family showed up in big ways for us and we will forever be grateful for them. Without a doubt, this has been the hardest thing either one of us has ever had to walk through. And we are still not fully healed. We may never truly be fully healed. But we know where Andrew now lives. Andrew lives in heaven. We know that God is in control of all things, even when we cannot comprehend His plan. Parenting a toddler while grieving the loss of your other child is a huge struggle, but Owen keeps us grounded. Owen keeps us smiling, even when we don’t feel like it. While we may not know what the future holds, we know who holds the future.